High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
