oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
