So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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