Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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