wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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