Someone shit on the floor
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
