i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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