what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
