Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
