Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
