I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
