I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
