Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I met the friendliest cop last night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
