Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
