I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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