I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i out mim tonsoeep
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