Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My hand turned me down
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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