Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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