I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
