He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
