I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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