I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
