Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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