go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
