STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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