I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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