im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
