I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
