"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
