are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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