omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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