going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
