i just wanna soil my oats bro
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
