If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
