I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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