I just pynch a tree in the face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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