Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
