He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
