I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
