Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
