They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
