Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i barfeds in our rink
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize