It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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