I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
