real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
