If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
