Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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