i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
