the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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