Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
