Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
