I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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