One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
