A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
