does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
