I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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