Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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