My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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