I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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