He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
