i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
