Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
