$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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