If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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