we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
