i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So squirting runs in the family.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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