I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
