Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
