I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
