i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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