I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
