I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
